Thanksgiving (for the possibility of conversation)

The Holidays are always difficult. They are the time when we get to spend a little concentrated time with our relatives. More specifically, a time to spend a little concentrated time with the issues of our past. We embrace the relatives, and we get the issues all over us.

Of course, we normally do this unconsciously, but it might be better (and cleaner) if we used this special time to explore and understand ourselves, them and the interconnections we have with them better.

My family runs from such possibilities, as if there is something really horrible to find out (if only we were that interesting). Playing games and acting busy are among the mechanisms they use to to avoid looking at that terrible thing (I really wonder what it could be).

The possibility of finding out a little more about myself and my background is always a hope of the Holidays, and the added stress of navigating them to fulfill my hope that exhausts me to the point of wishing that they just wouldn't happen at all.

As our family gets older, and it is easy to see a time when our parents won't be around to cause us to come to one place to spend our holidays, it seems like a last chance to reinforce our family connection by coming to understand and accept each other through those conversations which could happen in holiday settings; sharing memories, listening to other perspectives of shared experiences, seeking to see a way to validate the choices and challenges of family members whom one has hurt in the process of becoming an individual, distinct from one's family.

There was a variety of that happening this Thanksgiving. It was mixed with alot of convenient remaking of perception to fit an easy explanation of us, but at least it started. I have to say that I am exhausted as usual after the get-together, but I my hope for my family was allowed to breathe a little this time.